I've tried dozens of times since I posted this and still do not have this achievement. I'm going to go at it again in a moment, but I'm fairly certain I'm just going to walk away unsuccessful, but grateful that I had the sense not to chuck my controller at my television.
100% Arcade/WP/Win8  | 100% Retail  | 100% Xbox One 
First achievement unlocked in Fall 2009 | 100k on April 05, 2016
Sig courtesy of DethHolly.