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Not what it says on the tin


uneasy ash
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Okay I'm gonna start with a confession, when I first got my 360 I made a few inadvisable and downright daft purchases (Two Worlds, Turning Point Hour of Victory) I did redeem myself by getting CoD4, Assassins Creed and Oblivion. But still I was gullible enough to buy 3 of the worst rated 360 games.

 

Anyway as I stated earlier I am to blame for adding these gaming travesties to my collection without checking out the reviews first. But also I do feel I was swayed somewhat by the blurb on the back of these titles boxes. So now I get to the point. Ive had a good look round the site and could'nt find a similar thread so here goes. Granted most of us now know if a game is good or not before we play it but what I'm interested in is on the box blurb on the back and the quoted endorsements. Most of these do give you an idea of what to expect and are pretty accurate but occasionally you come across something that is just inaccurate, over ambitious or just an out and out lie.

 

So this thread is here for people to add anything they come across which they believe is a bit over complimentary and mis-leading. Hopefully this will stop gullible people like myself wasting their hard earned cash on the strength of some on the box advertising. Also this is not restricted to just mediocre games like those I mentioned earlier if a good game has something you feel is inaccurate please add that as well.

 

Anyway I'll kick things off with one of my all time favorite misleading box quotes

 

TWO WORLDS. "Oblivion on steriods" For starters you've got a casual reference to drug taking. Secondly steriods are sometimes used to cheat (Olympics and stuff) ok this is starting to look like a really ill thought out endorsement but the real kicker with this blurb is the fact that it's comparing itself and claiming to be better than Oblivion. Steriods? I don't think so. A more accurate blurb would be "Like Oblivion wasted on Ketamine" If Oblivion was a race horse it would be Red Rum, Two Worlds however would be Wilfred The 3 legged blind donkey with a leaky bladder. Granted if this was claimed on the box it probably would'nt sell very many copies (and yes one of the few copies that did sell would probably still be to me!)

 

Oh and I realise that there may be Two Worlds fans out there (granted you must be as rare as pixie dust) and I may have offended you with this but please this game is just so horrible and I really did try to like it (as I had just shelled out £30 for it) so don't get hissy with me!

 

Anyway keep 'em coming

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"Like Oblivion wasted on Ketamine" If Oblivion was a race horse it would be Red Rum, Two Worlds however would be Wilfred The 3 legged blind donkey with a leaky bladder. Granted if this was claimed on the box it probably would'nt sell very many copies (and yes one of the few copies that did sell would probably still be to me!)

 

ROFL

 

Oh wow, that is by far one of the greatest things I have ever read. Thank you, thank you kindly. :bow:

 

What is said on the box of a game never has any effect on whether I am going to buy it or not. I usually do my research ahead of time and if I don't I usually will go by the games description and pictures.

 

But, I do see your point. Sometimes the little blurbs are flat out lies.

Edited by StolenPaper18
I shall not tell a lie.
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I bought Two Worlds, and since then I never buy a game the day it is released unless it's from a reputable developer with a background of releasing great games.

I took Two Worlds back the next day and told the guy at GameStop "Hey this keeps freezing up and seem like it's going to destroy my Xbox 360" and I got Bio Shock. A much better choice.

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I always read reviews and threads on here about a game befofe i go and buy.

Yeah I do now (I learned my lesson) but when I first got my 360 I had more money than sense. I would say as time has gone by its now the opposite way round but I'd probably be lying. I've got exactly £6.37p, a broken lighter, 1 button and a paper napkin in my pocket at the moment and sadly I've still got more money than sense...D'oh

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Just going through my game collection as I'm trading in my 360 tomorrow (don't panic, I'm getting an Elite...and if you did panic whoa you gotta work on that) and I'm generally gonna de-clutter my collection. And I've just come across this

 

ALONE IN THE DARK

Now don't get me wrong I actually liked this, the story was good the music was sensational, the graphics pretty and the gameplay was although sometimes a bit buggy generally good. Except that bit with the roots of Evil, just thinking about it makes me wanna snap a controller in half or bite it so hard I lose a filling (did that once on CoD4 veteran)

The bit that is relavant is the game score on the box

4/5 MAXIM 4/5 FHM

First off 4/5 equates to 80% respectable yes but hardly boast worthy. Secondly and most importantly when did Maxim and FHM become the great game reviewers that gamers trust and listen to? I'm not sure if these titles will be familar to everyone but they are mens lifestyle mags (i.e various pictures of semi naked ladies, fashion articles, cars and general blokey issues) Yes they do have a small gaming section but Christ nothing that would make them serious reviewers. Now this is fine if Edward Carnby was surrounded by semi naked female Zombies trying to sell you the latest Calvin Klien aftershave in the game, but as we all know he is'nt. Oh and by the way I'll be pitching the semi naked zombie idea to Valve real soon, you never know Left 4 Dead 3 could be X-Rated for very different reasons!

 

Sadly though the real reason for this choice of endorsement is obvious. All the other reviewers seemed to hate it...except me, but I'm not exactly sane most of the time anyway.

 

Sorry for the rant I got carried away but Kudos if you read to the end of the post, give yourself a big pat on the back or kick in head whichever you prefer!

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This thread is hilarious :p My contribution: not so much words on the back of a case (I rarely read them and own several games I've never read the back of), but misleading nonetheless. I had several "casual" gamer friends with a copy of The Darkness. They all told me it was great, interesting storyline, etc. I played it for 5 minutes and gave up because the controls were so god awful. Maybe it does have a great storyline...I'll never know, because I can't stand it long enough to find out.

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I trusted Alex Navarro's review of Deadrising, and wasted my money on it.

I can't even figure than game out, it's so un-polished.

So after that, I ALWAYS try the demo first, no matter what reviews say, if I like the demo, I'll buy it.

 

If you did not like Dead Rising, there is something wrong with you.

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Two Worlds had terrible graphics and voice work ... but the actual gameplay was pretty fun.

 

I just looked up a quote from the Two Worlds box, where it says 'the most epic and fluid melee combat to hit the action RPG genre' - Gamespot.com ...As far as I can tell this is actually from a press release from the developers that was simply displayed as a news article on Gamespot.com - proof: http://www.gamespot.com/pc/rpg/twoworlds/news.html?sid=6167520

 

That's a pretty lame move to pull.

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Two Worlds had terrible graphics and voice work ... but the actual gameplay was pretty fun.

 

I just looked up a quote from the Two Worlds box, where it says 'the most epic and fluid melee combat to hit the action RPG genre' - Gamespot.com ...As far as I can tell this is actually from a press release from the developers that was simply displayed as a news article on Gamespot.com - proof: http://www.gamespot.com/pc/rpg/twoworlds/news.html?sid=6167520

 

That's a pretty lame move to pull.

 

Haha thats fantastic, I can just imagine the meeting the marketing department had for Two Worlds. Their all sat round a table desperately trying to find someone who liked the game and finding nothing but negative reviews, when one bright spark suddenly sits up and says "Well we made it and we like it, so that will have to do. Sod 'em the players will never notice!"

When I imagine this their all wearing Top Hats and smoking massive cigars for some reason too, granted that part probably never happened but hey sometimes my imagination runs wild (an often brings back souveneers)

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I trusted Alex Navarro's review of Deadrising, and wasted my money on it.

I can't even figure than game out, it's so un-polished.

So after that, I ALWAYS try the demo first, no matter what reviews say, if I like the demo, I'll buy it.

 

Sweet, someone else who never liked it.

No matter how many times I try and play I can never understand why almost everyone worships it.

 

The most stupid thing about it is it autosaves in like an impossible situation.

ie Having to get to some other shop to kill an enemy in a set time, yet it'll still save even if there isn't a reasonable time to get there.

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Sweet, someone else who never liked it.

No matter how many times I try and play I can never understand why almost everyone worships it.

 

The most stupid thing about it is it autosaves in like an impossible situation.

ie Having to get to some other shop to kill an enemy in a set time, yet it'll still save even if there isn't a reasonable time to get there.

 

Yea, cause there's just nothing wrong with people that enjoy running over groups of "people", shooting them, lawnmowing them, cutting them in half with a sword etc. :p

 

I enjoyed law mowing them, cutting them in half and all that stuff.

but I hate how the game limits you to a time, you're always hurrying around trying to get that done before time expires, and there is no auto-save, if you wanna save you can almost waste one hour(In game hour) trying to get to the toilets.

The worst part is, I can't figure out what's going on! The HUD(Which was designed by a grade 6 student, I'm sure) is so confusing, and you only have 4 health bars when you start, WTF?! I enjoyed running through zombies and cutting their heads off, but it wasn't long before I was just running away from them, and I really hate how frank has to hold his camera and walk like he has something shoved up his ass -_-.

and I just don't wanna start about how annoying aiming was. I can talk hours about how this game sucks.

 

Talking about images, Sega's Rally Revo (I think?) fooled me with it's pictures, not a bad game at all, but not what I expected.

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Just going through my game collection as I'm trading in my 360 tomorrow (don't panic, I'm getting an Elite...and if you did panic whoa you gotta work on that) and I'm generally gonna de-clutter my collection. Quote]

 

De-clutter? did I say that? well I kind of ballsed it up and didn't de-clutter a damned thing. Instead I ended up adding 3 more ODST, NFS Shift and Fracture. Early impressions are not good either. ODST is alright I only got this coz I loved the We are ODST trailer (Damn I really am easily swayed)

Shift, I quite like even though everyone seems to hate it and Fracture well I'm gonna give it more time it may turn out ok. I actually tried to find Two Worlds again coz now I really wanna play it again...I must be a glutton for punishment or just plain old dumb.

 

Oh to stay slightly on thread. I genuinely heard this in my local Game store today and it made me laugh.

 

Bloke 1 picks up NFS Shift and looks at the back of the box.

"Here look at this" he says to his mate. His mate leans across to see what has caught his friends eye. His friend then reads out the blurb on the back of the box

"What kind of driver are you?" he asks grinning

"A f**k**g banned one you prick!" the man replies somewhat angry.

 

Well that was it for me I couldn't help but laugh and naturally made sure I got NFS Shift even though I don't generally like racing games. Yes I buy stuff for stupid reasons but no matter how bad NFS Shift may be it'll always make me smile!

 

Anyway storytimes over children better get back to ODST.

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@Daiphyer & Vladimirk: Your opinions are valid cause I also felt the same way about Dead Rising when I first started playing the game. Then I took a looong break and started playing it again and realize this game was fun as hell. It's challenging which is partially due to having a timer and once you open up the Wonderland secret route, escorting becomes less of a chore.

 

For Two Worlds, If it wasn't for the Beaver Kettle Cave Glitch and the awful horseback riding, I would probably look back at the game with a more positive light.

 

Don't believe the box, especially if the positive review is from a magazine that doesn't normal review games:

 

"Wow, Better Home and Gardens gave this game a 9.5/10!"

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I very rarely buy new games and that is because i bought 2 Worlds after reading that Oblivion comparison. I was going through Oblivion withdrawals and seen it. I guess it must have been the release date because I had heard nothing about it, and I like to thing I stay in the know, so I bought it and went home and tried it for a couple hrs. The only new game I have bought since is Mass Effect, that is the best thing about gamestop is you can buy used and return it within 7 days.

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Only ever bought one game without checking it out first. Back in the days of the Sega Saturn, I rushed out on the day of release to buy Sega Touring Car.

 

The background of Sega's AM2 department and previous racers like Sega Rally and Daytona was all I needed to know I wanted this game. I had played it on the arcade too, it was awesome. Same couldn't be said about the port to console. It was terribly done.

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Alright here we go again. By now you must know I'm on a crusade to bring to light all the game developers little white lies and expose them as the money grabbing charlatans they all are (you'll have to forgive me I've had a lot of sugar today) and I've found another mis-leading box in my collection. Lionhead studios duck for cover coz today I'm coming for you...

 

FABLE 2

"Who will you become?"

Firstly I like this game it's got a decent if short story, Its got pretty graphics, it's got fun side quests, A decent sized game world and it shifts from serious to humurous to sinister in places. So on the whole Lionhead did a good Job. Where they soil themselves rather messily (like my character in the game as I'm always making him shit himself infront of his wife and child or enemies coz basically I still love dick and fart jokes and have the sense of humour of a 5yr old) is the on the box blurb. "Who will you become?" I mean come on this leads us to believe there are endless character customisation choices and that your actions will affect your appearance. Yes you can change your clothes (Wow groundbreaking so far) and if your evil you get crappy horns and yellow eyes and if your good you go all Too Human blue. And yes you get scars but you can hardly see them as your normally clothed, unless your character is a budding nudist but then you still wear pants. But that is about it, Oh you can get fat too. I was expecting to be able to get more devil like or angellic as the game went on you know what I mean Wings, tails, cloven hoofs, forked tongues all that kind of stuff instead I got fat and Horny (A reflection on real life actually). In the end it's a small slur on a good game but dammit I really wanted to look like some sort of constantly sex craved she devil that soils herself every few minutes and brutally slays all NPC characters with a giant diamond encrusted dildo. The box blurb should simply have a picture of a good character and a bad character and read "who will you become Him or Him".

 

As always thanks for reading this far, go and give yourself a kick in the head. (No pat on the backs today I'm playing an Evil character remember)

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