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Old 12-27-2012, 04:32 PM   #1
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halo studies

Recent studies have shown a few interesting things about your average halo 4 player. It has not been confirmed by 343 or microsoft yet if this is infact a continuation of statistics previously gathered from reach or halo 3 studies but its widely assumed that these 3 studies go hand in hand, and with a 3 out of 3 scoring - the results are being hailed as - and i quote " wthout a shadow of a doubt ". 250 000 participants took part in the studies and a leading scientific analysis company who chose to remain nameless firmly believe that the results can be confirmed as the average norm of the entire halo community. The subjects were scrutinized closely over the course of a week to judge just what was the average halo gamer and the results speak for themselves.

Natural ability to respond to threat and/or incoming danger was the first test.

6% of players responed to incoming threats head on. They saw the danger and instinctivly reacted appropriatly, dropping what they were doing in order to preserve their life. This same 6% though, based on a team objective game, layed down their lives in order to achieve the objective - delberatly putting themselves between a flag carrier and an assailant for example.
91% of this control group responed differently. Instead of responing to an enemy shooting at him, the player would instead chase someone across long distances to get an "assassination". So dazled by the pretty animations are these players, that all logic and common sense flies out the window, leaving them in either a dazed stupor drooling down their chin should they preform said "assassination", or a blinding fury screaming at thier screens that the player must be hacking if they fail. This second reaction happened aproximatly 97% of all attempts.
As far as team objectives go this 91% would all suddenly develop what is being refered to as - "rambo syndrome", and would all think they could take on all 5 members of an enemy team alone, and seperate at the begining of the game. Occasionally these players snapped out of it for a few seconds to try to assist another player to get to a flag point by sitting on a mongoose, constantly honking the horn, while an enemy player rained down dmr bullets on him from afar. The player would then scream agan in his rage - this time at his own team-mate, who he held responsible for not getting on his mongoose.
2% of the control group would throw a fit and "rage quit" at the begining of the match because they didnt get the map they wanted.
The final 1% would remain afk throughout the duration of the game costng their team a much needed player. Should this 1% suddenly decide to play, it was more about trying to deliberatly betray their team mates than actual winning - which surprsingly made the 6% "good" player extremely happy for the option to boot them from the game.

Driving/gunning and vehicle takedown was the next test they did.

Coming in at a surprising 2% (which was much higher than recently believed), were players who knew how to handle their vehcle. These players would optimise all functions of the vehicle, and pay close attention to their gunners shielding and angle of fire from 'enemy players' in regards to positioning of their gunners in order to keep them alive, and active, for as long as possble.
This 2% would not stop moving becuase they seemed to feel that a motionless car was a stting duck for sniper fire, so instead they would continue moving to create a harder target. They knew that should their gunner miss his or her target, a new one was right around the corner.
Weighing in at a huge 94% - most players did not understand the fundimentals of driving.
Often stoping and getting themselves or passangers "stuck" or "sniped", was a frequent event for these nose pickers. The concept of evasive maneuvors also escaped these mouth breathers who often chased down 1 single opponent until the warthog fliped or was "lazered". And even worse still, trying to drive through confined spaces such as corridoors and caves with a full car, trying to get the fabled "splatter" and instead giving a lucky enemy player the glorious "tripple kill", when he swiftly delt to the moronic driver.
The final 4% of players would throw grenades at the vechiles to destroy them before anyone could use them, and some would even destroy ally occupied vechiles in a grenade spamming frenzy that seemed to rival the legends of norse beserkers. These few players are widely considered to be "touched in the head".
These same statstic ratios applied to gunners, although not the exact same players. A good driver was often a terrible gunner.
2% could shoot striaght and identify threats to the vechile and eleminate them first.
96% would miss 75% of all shots.
The remaining 2% would shoot at anything that moved - be it enemy, friendly or the animated clouds in the sky, all the while dry-humping the gun with a vacant expresion on his cross-eyed face.
When it came to vehicle take down - 3% felt it was imperitive to eliminate enemy vehicles - often changing their loadouts on their next death to properly combat the enemy. It was found that these players could almost instantly destroy enemy traffic, and then move on to smaller prey.
7% of players felt that if they threw themselves against a vehicle running at full speed enough times, it would eventually wear the vehicle down and they could then destroy it with a melee attack.
10% tried to destroy the vehicle with iniffective weapons such as the assult rifle at long distances, these players were commended on their inititive to attack the enemy and were given gold stars at the end of the tests.
The final 80% firmly believed that ignorng the vechicle would somehow make it go away, and the more the vehicle killed them the stronger this belief became - hanging on the verge of almost becoming religious fanatism. This belief was always rewarded with further deaths at the hands of banshis, ghosts, or warthogs. The mongoose was not a problem, even for the clueless 80%, as the mongoose is widely considered an "easter egg" or a developers joke. While favoured for is mobilty and passanger seating, the 3% of good players always got a good laugh out of knocking players off them with pretty much any weapon.

Basic gameplay came under scrutany as well.

Only 5% of players understood what the "motion tracker" was and how to use it effectivly alongside their chosen armor abiltiy. These players would see a threat and its positioning and could either: chase them down or flee if the circumstances wern't in their favour.
This 5% would giddily laugh to themselves at watching a little red dot following them all the way across a map knowing that it was a bumbling moron trying for his assassination. he would lure the complete idiot somewhere out of the way where he could deal with him and swap to a close range weapon if he had one - a bolt shot was a prefered weapon for alot of the groups- and even as he charged it, as he ran, the clueless dunce following him didnt realize the shot was intended for him. At the last moment the player would turn and kill his stalker.
While no one at the institute agreed with "teabagging" and believed it the provence of fools, as it more often than not resulted in the teabagger getting killed while looking like a complete tool, they all agreed this was the one exception.
95% of people didnt understand the motion tracker, and would have an enemy folowing them wth an ally following the enemy, while the ally kept shooting at his team mate to try to warn him but to no avail. The douche-bag would more often than not get assassinated.
Plasma grenades were classed as basic gameplay, and while 1% of players used them wth deadly purpose 99% of players would throw tactics and caution to the wind and run at the enemy to "stick" them gettng themselve killed in the process. This partcular play style has been dubbed "the f***ing idiot".
Frag grenades came in next with a surprising 10% of people knowng how to use their "bounce" fucnction effectvly. While not all of this group could capitalize on their understanding - due to lack of aiming ability, they were saluted for ther knowlege of the physics behind the "frag" all the same.
90% were called retarded as they threw grenades anywhere they saw movement either blindng teammates on non friendly fire games, or killng them on other modes. These players are considered the lepors of halo.
The study on pulse grenades was inconclusive as there were only 3 players in the 250 000 that used them as a loadout option.

The team that did this study state, that in general, 3% of players could function well in any stuation. 5% could function extremely well with a decent team as a little back up, and the remaining 92% needed to go and buy themeslves a sega master system and play all the games from alex kidd up to halo, to understand what they are doing a little better, or give up halo and play some crap game like CoD.

The study was conducted by well respected scientific minds who wish to remain nameless because they believe gamers tend to have high blood pressure and anger issues, and they dont want to be responsible for gamers deaths - or their own.

Last edited by Huskur; 12-28-2012 at 10:49 AM. Reason: cry babies
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:42 PM   #2
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I laughed so hard.
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:43 PM   #3
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Who needs formatting in 2012, eh?
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Old 12-27-2012, 05:55 PM   #4
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Who needs formatting in 2012, eh?
Right? Fucking word walls.
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Old 12-27-2012, 06:26 PM   #5
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It seems that a majority of this group is the average casual gamer that probably hasn't played Halo before.
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Old 12-27-2012, 10:17 PM   #6
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cliff notes?
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Old 12-28-2012, 01:46 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by RouteRider View Post
Love the game. Hate the campers
i dont hate campers so much as having to find them. once they kill ya once you know where they are and you can usually go and kill them first time. whats really crap about them is they go hide somewhere else after that or sometimes n the same spot. it drags the game out imo. i personally cant camp have to be moving. after 20 seconds of not moving i get bored i might have a.d.d. then again after writing all that crap maybe i dont....

and bigd s right its a word wall sorry about that but i had fun writing it haha

Last edited by Huskur; 12-28-2012 at 01:58 AM.
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:23 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Huskur View Post
i dont hate campers so much as having to find them. once they kill ya once you know where they are and you can usually go and kill them first time. whats really crap about them is they go hide somewhere else after that or sometimes n the same spot. it drags the game out imo. i personally cant camp have to be moving. after 20 seconds of not moving i get bored i might have a.d.d. then again after writing all that crap maybe i dont....

and bigd s right its a word wall sorry about that but i had fun writing it haha
I don't care if they camp. There is always a way to take them down from a far if I have a sniper rifle, use a vehicle, or just leave it for my raging teammates. But if they camp with their active camo - especially with sniper rifles, it is annoying as f**k, and I hope they will rot in hell for that .
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:28 AM   #9
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Originally Posted by quocviet0908 View Post
But if they camp with their active camo - especially with sniper rifles, it is annoying as f**k, and I hope they will rot in hell for that .
Ha! That's like half the players at least! It's not going to stop anytime soon either.
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:38 AM   #10
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I know, I admit it is a part of the gameplay and nobody has the right to take it away from the game (well people still can insult it - haha). I can't beat that but I won't join that either.
My hands are still clean with 0 bolshot kill too.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:05 AM   #11
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I might bother to read your op if you bother to fucking format the damn thing. Commas, spacing, and paragraph breaks are essential tools when writing a post as long as yours. For fuck's sake man, seriously, you need to learn to write.
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Old 12-28-2012, 09:20 AM   #12
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That was a great read OP, laughed my ass off.

I have some more research for you.

Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine.

They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth's orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour.

They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.
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fact is you just got burned and the only little bitch that stuck up for you is a talking banana who doesn't know the difference between punctuation and spelling.

Last edited by DaChiefOfOwnage; 12-28-2012 at 10:59 AM. Reason: sex and balls
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:05 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by lifeexpectancy View Post
I might bother to read your op if you bother to fucking format the damn thing. Commas, spacing, and paragraph breaks are essential tools when writing a post as long as yours. For fuck's sake man, seriously, you need to learn to write.
yes yes you are correct do need to learn to write. actually i really need to learn to spell too. maybe i should have paid more attention in school.... might go back through it later and see if i can make it any better but you know my low level of education might come into conflict with my ability to correct my stupd stupid mistake of making my post completely unintelligible. i thank my lucky stars im not up for a english teaching role or i might actually have to learn this crap. but ill see what i can do for you, pumkin.
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Old 12-28-2012, 10:52 AM   #14
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there ya go i edited it. couldnt tell ya if i got it right, improved it, or made it worse. like i said i didnt pay attention in school. im lucky i can write at all. right im off to suck at halo.
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Old 12-28-2012, 02:24 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Huskur View Post
yes yes you are correct do need to learn to write. actually i really need to learn to spell too. maybe i should have paid more attention in school.... might go back through it later and see if i can make it any better but you know my low level of education might come into conflict with my ability to correct my stupd stupid mistake of making my post completely unintelligible. i thank my lucky stars im not up for a english teaching role or i might actually have to learn this crap. but ill see what i can do for you, pumkin.
I've never raged at a post so much in my life. Well played.
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Old 12-28-2012, 04:11 PM   #16
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haha not raging just having a bit of fun giving people crap. =P

oh look at that i just ranked up to peon. what an amazing thing, to rank UP to peon. i wonder if i can rank UP to pond scum or Dunce after this rank? cant wait to find out. i might have to go spam everyones threads to get the post-meter ticking over. oh and i got a star! i am moving up in the world. YUS!!!.

Last edited by Huskur; 12-28-2012 at 04:36 PM. Reason: hairy nips
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:33 AM   #17
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Recent studies have shown a few interesting things about your average halo 4 player. Whether or not this is a continuation of statistics previously gathered from Halo 3 and Reach has not yet been confirmed by 343 or Microsoft yet, but it is apparent that the results show shockingly similar result. With a 3 out of 3 scoring, the results are being hailed as " accurate without a shadow of a doubt."

250,000 participants took part in a recent Halo 4 study conducted by an unnamed scientific analysis company who chose to remain anonymous. As a result of their research, it is now firmly believed that the results can be confirmed as the average expectation of the entire halo community. The subjects were scrutinized closely over the course of a week to judge just what was the average halo gamer and the results speak for themselves.

Natural ability to respond to threat and/or incoming danger:

  • In non-objective gametypes, 6% of players responded to incoming threats effectively. They would acknowledge the danger and react within the expected parameters of a comprehending human being by knowing their surroundings, understanding the consequences of their actions, and dropping what they're doing in order to preserve their life.
  • In Non-objective gametypes, 91% of this control group responded within the less-than-desirable parameters of human intelligence. Instead of responding to enemy fire with retreat or return fire, so dazzled by the pretty animations that all common sense flies out the window the player would instead chase enemies across long distances to attempt an "Assassination". *See Footnote 1 for surveyor commentary*
  • In Objective gametypes, the same 6% as before, had the exact opposite response, instead laying down their lives in order to achieve the objective, be it defending the base from an enemy or shielding a teammate who has the enemy flag.
  • In Objective gametypes, the above 91% developed what the lab has endearingly monikered as "Rambo Syndrome." This mindset would cause players of this group to irrationally believe they could take on all entire teams by themselves, which would often result in them splitting off from their team at the beginning of every match game. *See Footnote 2 for further surveyor commentary*
  • 2% of the control group was unable to be properly surveyed because they would throw a fit and "rage quit" at the beginning of their matches for reasons widely ranging from not getting a map or gametype they wanted to not getting the vehicle or weapon spawn they want from the start.
  • The remaining 1% was also impossible to effectively survey as they would oftentimes remain inactive, known as being "AFK", throughout the duration of the game, which would cost their team a much needed player. In the few times where this 1% suddenly decide to play, it was more about trying to deliberatly betray their teammates than actual winning. (This surprisingly would elevate the mood of the 6% "good" player group thanks to the presence of the "boot player from game" option.)

Footnote 1: Leaving them in either a dazed stupor drooling down their chin should they preform said "assassination", or a blinding fury screaming at thier screens that the player must be hacking if they fail. This second reaction happened aproximatly 97% of all attempts.

Footnote 2: In the rare cases where these players decides to assist the team in securing an objective, they would do so by sitting on a mongoose, constantly honking the horn, while an enemy player rained down dmr bullets on him from afar. The player would then scream agan in his rage - this time at his own team-mate, who he held responsible for not getting on his mongoose.


Driving/gunning and vehicle takedown:

  • At a surprising 2% (which was much higher than recently believed), were players who knew how to effectively handle their vehicles. These players could optimize the use of all vehicular functions and maintain close attention to their gunner's shielding and angle of fire from 'enemy players' in order to keep them alive for as long as possible. This 2% would not remain stationary becuase they realized that a motionless car was a stting duck for sniper fire and instead chose to maintain motion to create a harder target to hit. They also knew that should their gunner miss his or her target, a new one was right around the corner.
  • Weighing in at a whopping 94% - most players did not understand the fundimentals of driving. Often stopping and getting themselves or passengers killed, was a frequent event for these nose pickers. The concept of evasive maneuvers also escaped these mouth breathers who often chased down a single opponent until the warthog would be either flipped or "splazered". Even worse still, they would often attempt to drive through confined spaces such as corridoors and caves with a full vehicle in an attempt to get the fabled "splatter", which would often instead result in a lucky enemy player landing a triple kill.
  • The final 4% of players were unable to be tested as they refused to drive, instead opting to throw grenades at the vehicles to destroy them before anyone could use them. This would sometimes result in them destroying friendly vechiles in a grenade-spamming frenzy that seemed to rival the legends of norse beserkers. These few players are widely considered to be "touched in the head".
These same statistic ratios applied to gunners, although not the exact same players. A good driver would often times not be a good gunner and vice versa.
  • 2% could shoot straight and identify threats to the vehicle and eliminate targets accordingly.
  • 96% would miss every 3 out of 4 shots.
  • The remaining 2% would shoot at anything that moved - be it enemy, friendly or the animated clouds in the sky, all the while dry-humping the gun with a vacant expression on his cross-eyed face.
In regard to eliminating vehicular threats:
  • 3% felt it was imperative to eliminate enemy vehicles, often by changing their Loadouts on their next death to properly combat the enemy. It was found that these players could almost instantly destroy enemy traffic, allowing the team to move on to smaller prey.
  • 7% of players felt that if they threw themselves against a vehicle running at full speed enough times, it would eventually wear the vehicle down and they could then destroy it with a melee attack.
  • 10% tried to destroy the vehicle with ineffective weapons such as the assault rifle at long distances, these players were commended on their initiative to attack the enemy and were given gold stars at the end of the tests.
  • The final 80% firmly believed that ignoring vehicles would somehow make them go away, and the more the vehicle killed them the stronger this belief became, hanging on the verge of almost becoming religious fanaticism. This belief was always rewarded with further deaths at the hands of Banshee, Ghosts, or Warthogs.
**The Mongoose was not a problem, even for the clueless 80%, as the mongoose is widely considered an "Easter Egg" or a developers joke. While favored for it's mobility and passenger seating, the 3% of good players always got a good laugh out of knocking players off them with pretty much any weapon.

Basic Gameplay:
Motion Trackers:

  • Only 5% of players understood what the motion tracker was and how to use it effectively alongside their chosen Armor Ability. These players would see a threat and its positioning and could either: chase them down or flee if the circumstances weren't in their favor.*See Footnote 3 for further Surveyor commentary.*
  • 95% of people didnt understand the motion tracker, and would have an enemy folowing them wth an ally following the enemy, while the ally kept shooting at his team mate to try to warn him but to no avail. The douchebag would more often than not get assassinated.
Plasma grenades:
  • 1% of players used them with deadly purpose
  • 99% of players threw tactics to the wind and ran at the enemy to "stick" them, oftentimes getting themselves killed in the process. This particular play style has been dubbed "the fucktard" for obvious reasons.
Frag Grenades:
  • 10% of people know how to use their "bounce" function effectively. While not all of this group could capitalize on their understanding due to lack of aiming ability, they were saluted for their knowledge of the physics behind the "frag" all the same.
  • 90% were called retarded as they threw grenades anywhere they saw movement and injuring teammates on matches with friendly-fire. These players are considered the Lepers of halo.
The study on Pulse Grenades was inconclusive as there were only 3 players in the 250 000 that used them as a loadout option.

*Footnote 3: This 5% would giddily laugh to themselves at watching a little red dot following them all the way across a map knowing that it was a bumbling moron trying for his assassination. They would lure the complete idiot somewhere out of the way where he could deal with him and swap to a close range weapon if he had one - a bolt shot was a preferred weapon for alot of the groups- and even as he charged it, as he ran, the clueless dunce following him didnt realize the shot was intended for him. At the last moment the player would turn and kill his stalker.
While no one at the institute agreed with "tea-bagging" and believed it the province of fools, as it more often than not resulted in the teabagger getting killed while looking like a complete tool, they all agreed this was the one exception.
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Old 12-31-2012, 04:34 AM   #18
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Quote:
Conclusion:
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The team that did this study state, that in general, 3% of players could function well in any situation. 5% could function extremely well with a decent team as a little back up, and the remaining 92% needed to go and buy themselves a Sega master system and play all the games from Alex Kidd up to halo, to understand what they are doing a little better, or give up halo and play some crap game like CoD.

The study was conducted by well respected scientific minds who wish to remain nameless because they believe gamers tend to have high blood pressure and anger issues, and they don't want to be responsible for gamers deaths - or their own.
I'm bored and didn't feel like playing Far Cry 3, so I decided I would clean up and format your original post for you. If you'd like, feel free to replace the original with this version for all to enjoy. I personally that it was funny as hell and wouldn't mind seeing additions made to it. I reworded some of the stuff from the original, but otherwise I left all of the content intact.
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Old 01-01-2013, 12:20 PM   #19
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legend. ive been off for a few days but ill look into putting it up again lol. and ive thaught of putting in some additions based on some of the retarded things ive seen lately will see what happens
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