Achievement Discussion - January - The One That Time Forgot

Achievement Discussion - January - The One That Time Forgot

Written Saturday, January 31, 2009 By Dan Webb
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Ahhh, it’s good to be back ... although I’ve technically not been anywhere, but the once short lived Achievement Discussion is back and in shorter, more reliable bursts (i.e. once a month and not once a week). I won’t waste your time with excuses about why it died off so quickly but with Leipzig, PAX, and hundreds of reviews, it got kind of busy. I wrote down a whole load of other excuses but my dog ate them (see what I did there?) Anyway, in hindsight it was a stupidly ambitious timeframe (oh my, what I’d pay to have that as a special power), but here we are, lesson learned; new and improved and with a new look. Shibby! 

In case you missed its brief two week spell last year, the “Achievement Discussion” is (well it is now) a monthly article looking at anything achievements ... and by anything, we mean anything. Suggestions are always welcome via the usual channels which I’ll close with. Till then, let’s get the ball rolling by looking at January’s lists and what we can expect in February’s games.

Sorry dear chap, I seemed to have checked yo ass down!!

In terms of list reveals, January, rightly so as well, was as barren as the wastelands in Fallout 3. The month saw plenty of arcade lists drop though; Uno Rush, Watchmen: The End is Nigh, Minesweeper Flags, R-Type Dimensions and my personal favourite; 3 on 3 NHL Arcade. The list isn’t all spectacular but it looks fun and possibly my most satisfying achievement of the year could be “Over and Out” whereby you have to knock an opponent over the boards. Love it! The whole NHL 3-on-3 list focuses mostly on utilising the game’s power-ups which can’t be bad and it looks fairly easy 200 points which surely means, more sales. Good for all involved except those looking for a challenging 200.

Ok, so January wasn’t all arcade games and fairy dust, we also saw two lists from games of totally different ends of the spectrum appear; the flesh baring Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai Squad. A game that seems to appeal to every teenage boy’s fantasies of blood lust and semi-naked women ...  a game that throws all aspects of shame out the window and embraces it as if it was their long lost brother. And from the other end of the spectrum, there was the upcoming simulation driving experience that is RACE Pro. The list is a bit of a shocker from RACE Pro in all seriousness, especially for a game that claims it is a hardcore, simulation racer, you’d kind of expect a list that would suit the game. The list looks to be a fairly standard one, although the ugly multiplayer achievements rears its ghastly head once again. When are developers going to realise that online achievements don’t necessarily improve the longevity of a title, as was disproved by the still hugely successful Call of Duty 4. The RACE Pro list also suffers from the “let’s use the same tile” vein of laziness as well which conveys the biggest “can’t be arsed with this achievement crap” message if ever there was one.

Speaking of the “let’s use the same tile” vein, the recently added Ninja Blade also comes under the same heading. The list however has a little bit of ingenuity to it, whether you like the innuendo which we mention later, or the MC Hammer reference (Ya Can't Touch This - Deflect 20 projectiles) which we do a little dance to every time we say it, there is plenty of variety. Looking at it though, like other games from the hack-and-slash genre, don’t expect an easy time.

Absolute ... utter ... carnage!!

February does hold a few great titles in terms of playability, but if you want some easy achievement points, computer says “look elsewhere.” FEAR 2 and Halo Wars are two of these titles that fall under the “tough as hell” achievement category requiring an obscene amount of multiplayer hours to get the most out of them. At first look, you’re looking at well in excess of 30 hours for each title and plenty of online time. FEAR actually has an 8 hour ranked online achievement and offers gamers 100 points for unlocking all the online achievements. Can anyone say lame? As for Halo Wars, aside from the 24 hours in gameplay time and 100% completion achievement, you’ll be expected to reach the online rank of General which stands to be no 5 minute job.

Oh, how could I not mention the 20 point “achievement” for FEAR 2 that “rewards” players for 5 suicides? Come to think of it, I’m not sure how suicide and achievement could even be used in the same sentence. It seems that imagination in achievement lists are lacking these days which is a real shame. We need more Fable 2 lists ... more care ... more humour.

The other big title of February is none other than Street Fighter IV and although the achievements are yet to be unveiled, the trophies have been out for some time ... but it’s all looking very generic. This comes to another problem though ... how can a fighting game’s achievements/trophies not be generic? It’s two characters on screen pummelling one another, so for that reason, and that reason alone, we’ll forgive Capcom on this one. However, like Halo Wars and FEAR 2, there is a lot of online achievements, but then again, isn’t that what Street Fighter is all about? Winner stays on, back to back, to back fights? Indeed it is. So again, forgiveness is granted. Damn, Capcom got lucky with forgiveness this month! That about wraps up January’s published lists and February’s incoming games, now it’s time we bring back the mail bag.

The mail bag proved to be a popular aspect last time around and it’d be rude not to include it this time but seeing as this is a reinvention of the feature, we opened the floor up to the staff that steady the ship first time around to set the example ... or so I thought.

Who better to open this aspect up, than the person that created the awesome graphics for this newly revamped feature; Night, our beloved graphical wizard and moderator asks:

“What’s the point in a 1250 point limit on games if Microsoft aren’t going to hold everyone to it?”

In all fairness ... it’s an unanswerable question, but thankfully it only seems like the stellar or big Microsoft franchises are doing that at the moment; Fallout 3 and Halo 3. I’m not condoning it, in fact, it makes a mockery of the whole system, but the bigger games will always want to go one better than the rest. GTA IV is almost certainly going to break that limit as well with “Lost and Damned” releasing with 250 points and we presume the second episode would release with the same. It would be nice to see a little clarity thrown back in to the system with the whole Fable 2 issue and the 1250 point limit breaks, but at the end of the day, achievements do help sell DLC, so the fact that they want to push that is not surprising. We’ve effectively made the bed ... now we must sleep in it. To be honest, seeing as its the big, AAA titles this seems to be happening to, it doesn’t make us lose any sleep at night, but we’d probably be a little more annoyed if Alone in the Dark broke that threshold, but until that happens, the system isn’t completely broken.

For our second question, our very own Minty asks:

“Why is it that an achievement list for some random game with the word bikini in its title generates 130+ comments but one for Halo Wars only generates just over 100 comments?”

Well Minty, apart from explaining the birds and the bees to you ... again (Ha I’m going to get hell for that in the next podcast), the obvious nature of a young males mind automatically ranks women over Halo ... or so we’d like to think. Well, that’s what we’re chalking it up to! The same can be said for My Horse and Me 2 which generated 155 comments ... although, that might be down to an animal fetish problem some of our users have *shudders*

Next month, I’ll open up the floor to everyone out there by reinstating “The Mail Bag” and offering the rein to the readers. You can ask us anything related to the world of achievements, whether it be a serious discussion topic or it be an amusing question of absolute randomness. The best way to submit your ideas is via my e-mail address or the site’s new Twitter account (I know, we caved!).

So there we have it, the feature is back and will be as big as ever and as always, we’ll close with a song ... Sorry, I mean the best and worst of the month.

Oh, and as a reminder, the trophy lists seem to go up way before the achievement lists these days, and because 3rd party titles have the same list, keep an eye on our sister site for an even more advanced sneak peak.


There is just too much innuendo for us to handle in Ninja Blade's "I'm Rubber and You're Glue" achievement, although looking at it, I’m not sure that was From Software's intention. If it was, touché, innuendo is the highest form of awesomeness. If not, ha, we’re taking it that way! Just you try and stop us.


Well, it was a toughie, but MLB's Front Office Manager's Historic Career just beat  winning 500 games of Minesweeper to the post. Why you ask? Because Minty and myself suffered the excruciating pain of doing 30 years in Football Manager ... which was a really solid game. We just can imagine how painful this experience would be ... even if you love the damn game. Ugh!


User Comments

Forum Posts: 2067
Comment #1 by SuperNova X2X
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 03:44:08 PM
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Never knew about this feature. It's nice though.

Forum Posts: 357
Comment #2 by SouP x360a
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 03:44:35 PM
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this is pretty sweet!

Forum Posts: 1078
Comment #3 by WhineyRabbit
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 03:49:11 PM
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Nice read, thanks Webb!

Forum Posts: 216
Comment #4 by firehazardcs
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 03:57:41 PM
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Forum Posts: 2988
Comment #5 by JC
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 03:58:17 PM
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Nice comeback Webb!

Forum Posts: 259
Comment #6 by xxNIGHTWINGxxx
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 03:59:41 PM
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I do like this feature a lot.

Forum Posts: 1
Comment #7 by Sgt Monkey13
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 04:11:14 PM
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GTA 4 is the worst game for the 360 that i have played i dont see how you people like it so much

Forum Posts: 185
Comment #8 by Golden138
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 04:33:10 PM
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"Two thumbs up"

Forum Posts: 663
Comment #9 by Atarii
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 04:43:45 PM
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If GTA IV is the worst game you've played on Xbox360 then you have not played many games. Your opinion of the game may be that it's bad, but it by no means is a bad game.

Forum Posts: 710
Comment #10 by chrisnottm
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 05:12:09 PM
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Nice, I enjoyed reading that.

And just to clarify, half naked women rank higher than Halo in anyone's book. ;)

Forum Posts: 27
Comment #11 by ShirleyPeanut
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 05:19:05 PM
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awesome feature, agree with the 1250 limit on games and that it should be final.

Forum Posts: 235
Comment #12 by Darklord Saige
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 05:25:43 PM
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@10 indeed they do....

Forum Posts: 1526
Comment #13 by SideDish120
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 05:37:22 PM
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awesome stuff here.

Forum Posts: 534
Comment #14 by dark lord me
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 05:39:52 PM
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@ 10
Well unless their a straight girl.
And who wouldnt want to pplay "my horse and me 2"

Forum Posts: 3512
Comment #15 by Kaiyo
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 06:06:00 PM
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Forum Posts: 710
Comment #16 by chrisnottm
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 06:08:45 PM
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@14 Nope. Everyone! :p

Forum Posts: 9
Comment #17 by blackwidow26
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 06:16:31 PM
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Great article! Can't wait to read more in the future.

Forum Posts: 41
Comment #18 by Mozza FTW
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 06:16:44 PM
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Awesome x2

Forum Posts: 3438
Comment #19 by XxBlueSpade2xX
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 06:56:07 PM
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good read

Forum Posts: 139
Comment #20 by xDelta07
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 10:13:45 PM
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I love the random fight about GTA4 that somehow showed up here, even though all that was mentioned was that it might break the 1250 limit.

Forum Posts: 20
Comment #21 by DoleMan
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 10:46:00 PM
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Great read, really looking forward to the February one, should have a bit on the GTA DLC and hopefully about Anchorage aswel, although I suppose achievement wise that couldn't have been easier!

Forum Posts: 2720
Comment #22 by Ryot Control
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 11:22:00 PM
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Hey you leave my, er I mean, my friend's animal fetish alone!

Forum Posts: 1
Comment #23 by deleted148838
Saturday, January 31, 2009 @ 11:40:14 PM
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@7... why did you have to turn this into a negative...who cares what you think about GTA... it has nothing to do with the articles main purpose

Forum Posts: 650
Comment #24 by The Lovat Scout
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 12:58:53 AM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment me stupid, but what was this thread about? I'm not trying to be an ass or sound like an idiot, but what is this "feature?" Is it just like, a mailbag thing they're doing every once a month? lol, idk

Forum Posts: 402
Comment #25 by Scaysie
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 03:53:22 AM
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Mmmm girls in bikinis with giant samurai swords....Better than Halo any day.

Forum Posts: 176
Comment #26 by richardjanssen
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 04:52:14 AM
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i like this stellar achievement

Forum Posts: 36
Comment #27 by eddie cheeseman
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 07:13:25 AM
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Ahhh, i'm so glad it's back!
Now we just need some new podcasts, they are the best!

Forum Posts: 14816
Comment #28 by Webb [STAFF]
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 09:12:24 AM
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@ 24 - I think the intention of the piece is clear if you read it *facepalm*

Forum Posts: 54
Comment #29 by Nekro Neko
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 10:48:23 AM
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I believe it would be best if the 1250 limit was lifted not only for big selling games but all major DLC. Say 250 for each chunk of DLC. Arcade games would go up in 50 point increments so 200 to 250 to 300 and so on. That said I'd also think no game should exceed 2000 or 400 for a retail or arcade title.

I would also like to add that this is a superb feature and agree that innuendo is of the highest degree of awesomeness.

Forum Posts: 2161
Comment #30 by mjc0961
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 10:58:28 AM
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Okay, my brain is massively failing me today. What's the innuendo in the "I'm Rubber and You're Glue" achievement? The only thing my brain registers as being odd at all there is that it should say "enemy's" instead of "enemies'".

Forum Posts: 54
Comment #31 by Nekro Neko
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 11:09:50 AM
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Comment #31 by mjc0961
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 10:58:28 AM

Okay, my brain is massively failing me today. What's the innuendo in the "I'm Rubber and You're Glue" achievement? The only thing my brain registers as being odd at all there is that it should say "enemy's" instead of "enemies'".

Explained - I'm Rubber (Condoms) you're glue (White Sticky)
Deflect an Enemies' Projectile (Orgasmic)

Enemies' is correct, Enemy's is not.

Forum Posts: 2161
Comment #32 by mjc0961
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 11:18:19 AM
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Oh. You guys think that means condoms and semen? That's just an expression little kids say all the time when they're insulting one another. "I'm rubber and you're glue; whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." Hence why they used that for reflecting the attack back to an enemy. Their attack bounces off of you and "sticks" to them.

And "enemy's" is the correct term. Go check out the actual achievement list on this site. You'll see that it's correct there, with "enemy's".

Forum Posts: 14816
Comment #33 by Webb [STAFF]
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 11:40:14 AM
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Image fixed. My bad ;)

Forum Posts: 116
Comment #34 by Tee!
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 11:55:24 AM
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I think Achievement point limits need to be totally re-designed.
Achievements in some arcade games can take a VERY long time to get and usually the points you get in return are so little that bothering to unlock some of the achievements just feels pointless.
Also, DLC adds a huge chunk of gameplay to it's pre-existing counterpart and only giving DLC 100 or 250 points just isn't enough for me to bother wasting 10 or 15 bucks on it. I'm not saying DLC is a waste of money, I'm just saying Achievements deserve the amount of points they deserve lol

Forum Posts: 384
Comment #35 by Siduakal77
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 12:42:07 PM
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I rarely comment, but I'd keep reading these.. I vote for Bi-Weekly. :)

Forum Posts: 1016
Comment #36 by Thorpe
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 01:02:51 PM
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Good feature. Once a month seems good enough.

Forum Posts: 2720
Comment #37 by Ryot Control
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 04:21:43 PM
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That's what I thought it meant.

Forum Posts: 96
Comment #38 by Halfsloshed
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 04:31:41 PM
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Does anyone know FOR SURE if Halo Wars General is along the same lines as Halo 3 general? Since theyre not made by the same companies, Halo Wars general may just be off of total wins, not wins in a row.

Forum Posts: 92
Comment #39 by DM HavoX
Sunday, February 01, 2009 @ 05:45:52 PM
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nice article! Thanks for kickin achievement butt.

Forum Posts: 438
Comment #40 by Lemon Of Life
Monday, February 02, 2009 @ 04:36:55 AM
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@10, not unless ur a straight woman-or a gay man

Forum Posts: 590
Comment #41 by AlphaXGamerXDad
Monday, February 02, 2009 @ 07:29:33 AM
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"I'm rubber and you're glue" must have different meanings outside the US and I'm not trying to figure out the others.

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #42 by abclee123
Monday, February 02, 2009 @ 12:35:39 PM
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midnight club los angeles is the worst game i have ever played i dont know how people like it so much

Forum Posts: 7
Comment #43 by Uncle_Skippy
Monday, February 02, 2009 @ 03:44:00 PM
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I'd have to agree to what Nekro Neko wrote (1st post) on final limits for a game. It's okay to go up more, but let's limit the totals in the end. Otherwise we'll end up with a 3500 Halo 3 achievement list. ;-)

I know that I look at acheivments when thinking of buying DLC. Sad, but just the facts. If too crazy, I may wait on them until I really want to do them.

Love the article and look forward to more of these. Keep them coming.

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #44 by BodamEscapePlan
Tuesday, February 03, 2009 @ 03:18:14 AM
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I like this.

Nice mention of "My Horse and Me 2", I can't believe you fools played that.

Forum Posts: 73
Comment #45 by turboskerv
Tuesday, February 03, 2009 @ 05:08:07 PM
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I didn't even know my horse and me 2 came out for 360...A MUST BUY! (note the sarcasm.)

By the way...Does anyone actually think they will be able to get 1000 points off Street Fighter IV? IF you actually think are totally kidding yourself! I am a huge SF fan and am VERY good at it. I just don't think it's possible...

Forum Posts: 2
Comment #46 by cooledgar
Tuesday, February 03, 2009 @ 08:56:32 PM
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It's cool

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #47 by Grooveyman16
Wednesday, February 04, 2009 @ 07:33:47 AM
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every achievement is possible. i must say just keep trying. ;)

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #48 by YABLONSKII
Wednesday, February 04, 2009 @ 04:23:53 PM
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this is a nice touch.

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #49 by AFenixAmongUs7
Thursday, February 05, 2009 @ 11:10:41 AM
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I remember that Onechanbara video on Cinematech on G4 some time ago. And I was thinking what in the heck were they thinking. Apparently wearing next to nothing in a city where hell breaks loose isn't taboo. Then, when I saw the previews for it in Game Informer I was thinking they can't be serious but, hey maybe Dante from DMC will have some competition. It's a shame Capcom won't release Viewtiful Joe on XBLA-I've never played it for the PS2. I think 1250 points full certain games is enough. But, for games like Marvel Ultimate Alliance and Crackdown, and Halo 3 more would be needed.

Forum Posts: 26
Comment #50 by grldg19
Friday, February 06, 2009 @ 01:48:30 PM
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great review keep it up

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #51 by UncoolHero
Sunday, February 08, 2009 @ 04:04:18 PM
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Great Review!

Forum Posts: 34
Comment #52 by JamesMallow
Thursday, June 10, 2010 @ 05:00:04 PM
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is "I'm Rubber and you're glue" another joke in response to your "My horse and me 2" horse fetish comments?

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