Festive Feature #1 - Top 5 Weapons of 2011

Festive Feature #1 - Top 5 Weapons of 2011

Written Monday, December 19, 2011 By Dan Webb
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Twas the Monday before Xmas when all round the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse… you know why? Because 2011’s amazing crop of weapons were used to decimate the pesky little rodent. Turn him into red mist, if you must.

Yes, that’s right… it’s Festive Feature time and with the first of 2011’s crop of festive features, we kick things off with an explosive start by looking at the year’s Top 5 weapons. Yes, 2011 was one hell of a year for weapons – so much that we nearly ran a Top 10 instead – and so we put our heads together to pick our favourite 5 from this year. Oh, this is going to be fun!

Coming in at number 5 is Rage’s iconic Wingstick. Considering the weapon is nothing more than a glorified boomerang with blades attached, we’ve never had this much fun with a thrown weapon in video games… possibly ever – not even a sticky grenade or a Tomahawk has provided this much fun or devastation! In fact, boomerangs in games have never come as brutal and effective as Rage’s Wingstick, and lopping heads of Rage’s crop of ugly-ass mutants is one of the most gratifying things ever. Effective over long-distances, brutal when thrown into a crowd, easy to craft and this bugger even comes back to you… how can you not love this bad boy? This video is enough to show you its pure awesomeness – yes, that is a word.

It was fairly obvious that a Gears of War 3 weapon would feature in this year’s Top 5 Weapons feature – after all, the Lancer is the brainchild of Epic and that’s as iconic as it gets – but interestingly, rather than opting for the red-mist inducing One-Shot, we went in a different direction: the Digger Launcher. Why? Simple… If there’s one way to freshen up a cover-shooter and throw a spanner in the works that can not only affect your offensive tactics but your defensive tactics, it’s by creating a weapon that takes the cover out of the equation and makes you as vulnerable as ever, and that’s exactly what Epic did. For those who aren’t aware of Epic’s new weapon, it’s essentially a grenade launcher that buries itself beneath the ground before popping up and exploding. That means, pretty much any cover is now moot when it comes to this weapon, thus mixing things up. Plus, any weapon that can bury into someone’s chest and explode inside of them… well, that’s Epic… geddit?

There might be more interesting weapons in Saints Row: The Third, like the pre-order only Mollusk Launcher or the Fart in a Jar stun grenade, but none are quite as iconic and amusing as Volition’s slap-happy, crazy-ass, huge purple dildo baseball bat: the Penetrator. It’s a baseball bat shaped like a huge pink dildo… it doesn’t get any more simple than that, but beating someone to death with this beast is amusing no matter how many times you do it. It’s a powerful melee weapon too so it’s not just a gimmicky piece of crap that you’ll never use. Thanks to Saints Row: The Third’s impressive character customisation too, you can buy yourself a pimp suit to wear with it, you can even beat the locals completely starkers, hell, you can even create your favourite character or celebrity and then see what they’d look like wielding a huge purple dildo baseball bat… it’d be like watching Paris Hilton’s sex tape scandal all over again.

If we’re being perfectly honest, Deus Ex: Human Revolution’s truly incredible Typhoon Explosion System was close to nabbing the top spot this year, but lost by a nose length. In another year, it’d have taken home the gold, the silver, the bronze and even stole every bit of china in the house, I mean, after all, this son of a bitch is as iconic and as brilliant as they get, but alas, this year it has to settle for second. The Typhoon Explosion System is a mechanical augmentation that protagonist, Adam Jensen, can have installed in his back that when activated will detonate a series of explosive projectiles in every direction around our mechanical friend. With upgrades you can improve the blast radius, the power of the detonations… in short, you can be a frickin’ missile factory and take out a room of bad guys in the space of a minute, what’s not to love?


If there’s one thing that Epic and People Can Fly’s hugely original shooter, Bulletstorm, brought to the market this year, it was a hell of a lot of crazy weapons. Despite that though, it was fairly easy to filter through all those and find one that really stood out from the bunch. Ladies and gents, I present to you our number one weapon of 2011: the Flailgun. The Flailgun essentially attached two grenades together with a large chain and propelled it towards wherever you’d aimed it, but wait… it gets better! Not only does that mean you can shoot the projectiles around obstacles and use them as traps, but you can also tie them around enemies and use them as human traps. Wait… it gets even better, the secondary fire on this badboy heats up the chain to a temperature than can even cut through foes, so splitting in them in two is very much a reality too… it’s like the weapon that keeps on giving. If Xmas was a gun, it would be the Flailgun. Would you look at that… it’s a festive choice too! Just look at some of the cool stuff you can do!

Tune in tomorrow to see the second of five Festive Features. You won't want to miss it.


User Comments

Forum Posts: 129
Comment #1 by Iceman9482
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 03:32:01 PM
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I can't wait for the next Edition!

Forum Posts: 33
Comment #2 by kuni6669x
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 03:35:34 PM
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Mr. Toots should be on the list

Forum Posts: 242
Comment #3 by JustAFriend
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 03:40:29 PM
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what the deus, no arrows!? how many people over the last few months have had their lives ruined by arrows to the knee!!!

Forum Posts: 1732
Comment #4 by H0p3sfalL
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 04:14:58 PM
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Good stuff all around. Which ones almost made the list?

Forum Posts: 191
Comment #5 by ash356
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 05:43:48 PM
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It's almost disturbing the level of detail they put into the penetrator... :L

Forum Posts: 74
Comment #6 by camtheman19
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 07:42:29 PM
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Solid list. Big fan of the Digger.

Forum Posts: 14816
Comment #7 by Webb [STAFF]
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 09:08:27 PM
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@#4 - If I recall correctly, Mr Toots, Duke's Shrink Ray, Shadows of the Damned's Johnson, Skyrim's Mace of Malrog Bal, Gears' One Shot... I think that was the shortlist of 10.

Forum Posts: 1732
Comment #8 by H0p3sfalL
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 09:15:04 PM
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@ Web
Nice selection. I'm looking the runners up as well.

Forum Posts: 18
Comment #9 by DR Dopenhagen
Monday, December 19, 2011 @ 10:10:54 PM
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When I first played the demo for Bulletstorm in February I thought to my self "Wow this is probably what Duke Nukem Forever will be only better" But then after that came out I realised Bulletstorm is the game Duke should've been, awesome weapons and all. Also that Digger Launcher is pretty cool.

Forum Posts: 16
Comment #10 by z3r0SHADOW
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 12:11:30 AM
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Nice list. I was sure that "Fus Do Rah!" would've made the list because technically, it is a 'weapon'.

Forum Posts: 26
Comment #11 by the bears beard
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 02:53:46 AM
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@10 "Technically" it is his mouth. Not something you can equip or unequip.

Forum Posts: 47
Comment #12 by darthchimp182
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 04:59:45 AM
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@11 wish i could unequip the wife's mouth....."stop playing skyrim, nag nag nag, it's my go, nag nag nag, you've been playing it for days, nag nag nag!"

Forum Posts: 245
Comment #13 by CoffeeAddict5
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 07:18:54 AM
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On the money with this list. I loved using both the Flailgun and the Wingstick, but am now running around Steelport with the Penetrator doing exactly what you said... beating the locals completely naked (I'm guessing that's what starkers means). Good times.

Forum Posts: 929
Comment #14 by eiVaL
Tuesday, December 20, 2011 @ 09:07:53 AM
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lol the Digger is the worst weapon in gears, its completely worthless, doesnt work half the time, will go right past enemies without going off or will go off if it reaches a certain object on the map, even tho the campaign Locust's diggers manage to go up an down levels in the maps and thru all objects wtihout issue =/

Forum Posts: 404
Comment #15 by ViNyLek
Wednesday, December 21, 2011 @ 04:12:40 PM
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@#14 I agree, digger does work in mysterious ways most of the time. But then again, what doesn't in gears franchise=)

Forum Posts: 11
Comment #16 by Ishtiyaq786
Friday, December 23, 2011 @ 04:23:33 PM
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is this the same article that is on gamasutra?

Forum Posts: 25
Comment #17 by Mrryan12
Friday, December 23, 2011 @ 09:13:04 PM
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Was hoping to see the Chainsword from Space Marine :P

Forum Posts: 44
Comment #18 by Walter B Willis
Saturday, December 24, 2011 @ 04:17:05 AM
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awwww, no Foam Finger Gun from Dead Space 2?

Forum Posts: 30
Comment #19 by Anthrizacks
Sunday, December 25, 2011 @ 09:02:02 PM
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No Red Faction Armageddon guns? That game had several fantastic guns. Black Hole Gun, Magnet Gun, Super Laser gun thingie, Mr. Tootz, etc.

Wasn't a fan of the digger launcher or anything from Deus Ex. Flailgun is cool but I wouldn't have it #1. Wingsticks are my #1...definitely.

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #20 by Tomafork XD FTW
Monday, December 26, 2011 @ 11:01:16 PM
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yeah, the typhoon is badass, but id rather see the portal gun in the next COD:P

Forum Posts: 1083
Comment #21 by Sniper Riflez
Friday, January 06, 2012 @ 02:39:35 PM
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Saints Row ripped the purple dildo from GTA: SA where you found the purple dildo in the police station.

Forum Posts: 25
Comment #22 by tommy50
Friday, January 06, 2012 @ 04:21:04 PM
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you should have got steve and larson on here to do these!!!!!!

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #23 by flechetteXXX
Friday, January 06, 2012 @ 11:13:46 PM
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The penetrator is purple by the way...

Forum Posts: 990
Comment #24 by Devil Sora
Saturday, January 07, 2012 @ 03:41:40 AM
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Well its good to see that you guys(after reading all of your fav 5's) gave credit to some games that came out Q1/Q2 so kudos to you for being on the fucking ball not like some who will remain unnamed *COUGH*VGA*COUGH* sorry I had bull shit in my throat.

Forum Posts: 245
Comment #25 by WREQUIEM
Saturday, January 07, 2012 @ 07:18:34 PM
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@24 Maybe they thought those games didn't deserve any rewards. you probably didn't think of that huh?

Forum Posts: 55
Comment #26 by CoolMarquis97
Saturday, January 07, 2012 @ 09:56:59 PM
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ehhh not feeling number 1 too much

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #27 by Figgy Pudding
Sunday, January 08, 2012 @ 01:23:36 AM
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gears of war lancer for the win

Forum Posts: 108
Comment #28 by Goku1552
Sunday, January 08, 2012 @ 01:41:08 AM
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what about the Javelin gun, Detonator, Seeker rifle OR at least the Hand Cannon (aka foam finger) from Dead Space 2? i think the Hand Cannon is should be at least #2.

Forum Posts: 189
Comment #29 by Doc Lolly
Monday, January 09, 2012 @ 08:40:15 AM
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oh come on this top 5 is such BS! where is Driver's infamous Shift Mechanic it got so much love before now its not even a top 5 weapon. not impressed

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #30 by mapleleafs32
Monday, January 09, 2012 @ 11:58:05 AM
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so ur teling me the foam finger in deadspace 2 is not on this list? bang bang, pew pew?

Forum Posts: 8
Comment #31 by GoldenEagle1476
Wednesday, January 11, 2012 @ 03:21:08 PM
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I loved the magnet gun from Red Faction Armeggedon (that came out this year, right?) if it did, that should be on the list. If it didn't, I guess it shouldn't be.

Forum Posts: 756
Comment #32 by andami
Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 01:19:56 AM
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I kinda expected Skyrim's Wabbajack. Of course, I think everything on that list was more interesting, except maybe the Digger Launcher.

Forum Posts: 13
Comment #33 by Delta07
Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 12:54:54 PM
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Not that I have anything wrong with what's on the list, but I would have thought that one of the unique weapons from Skyrim would have made it on there.

Forum Posts: 6
Comment #34 by Beached GaGa
Saturday, January 14, 2012 @ 05:30:50 PM
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theres no one shot from gears 3 :(

Forum Posts: 700
Comment #35 by Dexter010
Sunday, January 15, 2012 @ 06:07:18 PM
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I love those wingsticks in Rage :)

Forum Posts: 2
Comment #36 by XXXWOLFFXXX
Tuesday, January 17, 2012 @ 12:32:00 AM
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Any of the guns from Bulletstorm were epic. The sweet guns really helped with the concept they were trying to get across. Haven't played any of the other games.

Forum Posts: 5
Comment #37 by xPapaOsox
Tuesday, February 14, 2012 @ 03:07:30 AM
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I think the Digger from Gears 3 shoulda been replaced with the Cluckshot from it! xD Gotta love shooting exploding chickens!! lol

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