Festive Features #4 - Top Five Biggest Nutters of 2013

Festive Features #4 - Top Five Biggest Nutters of 2013

Written Sunday, December 22, 2013 By Lee Bradley
View author's profile

It’s that time again. As Christmas nears and the year draws to an end, we’re taking a look at the last twelve months and picking out some of the aspects we’ve enjoyed most (and least) in 2013. Our Festive Features are back!

Nutters, video games are full to the brim with them. Whether it’s the goons that fall to our blizzard of bullets, the psychos that lead them, or even the characters we play, our favourite hobby is overflowing with people with questionable mental faculties. But this was a vintage year for loonies, with some nutjobs for the ages. Find out our pick below.

5. Batman: Arkham Origins - Bruce Wayne

Look, Bruce Wayne is a bazillionaire. He could spend the rest of his life jet skiing and sipping champagne out of Kate Upton’s belly button if he really wanted to. He should be on a beach somewhere, a tropical beach. On an island that he owns. But nope. Instead he’s slipping on a rubber suit, dropping his voice a few octaves and beating the crap out of goons.

There’s a bit at the start of Arkham Origins, when the story is being set up. Alfred says something like, “Sir, if assassins have been sent to kill you tonight, and nobody knows your identity or location, wouldn’t it be best if you just stayed here?” But Wayne doesn’t listen. It’s further evidence that he's got bats in the belfry. Don’t believe the guff about saving innocents, Bruce Wayne's haunted past has given him a psychotic desire to bash bad guy bonces. He loves it and that’s why he’s one of our top nutters of the year.

4. Tomb Raider - Lara Croft

Lara Croft is a schizophrenic mess. A dangerous one. While she may pull the doe-eyed ‘What am I going to do I’m so scared and vulnerable’-schtick, she’s actually a terrifying killer, capable of murdering slightly rapey Russian blokes, skinning them and turning them into a nice new handbag within seconds. 

It’s a common trait for video game protagonists. Like Nathan Drake before her, she may just be an average Joe(sephine), but she’s responsible for the death of hundreds. She has blood on her hands, and as her journey progresses she grows more and more into the part, caving in skulls with pickaxes, pulling off headshot after headshot and blasting dudes in the face with a shotgun. This new version of Lara Croft isn’t a survivor, she’s a psychokiller.

3. Dead Space 3 - John Carver

The Dead Space series has always been about madness. Portraying mental breakdowns brought on by grief, guilt and the odd bit of sci-fi bobbins, the demons fought by protagonist Isaac Clarke aren’t just skittering along the floor ready to rip him to pieces, they're crawling through his mind too. Yet in the disappointing Dead Space 3, it’s Isaac’s co-op partner Carver who’s most afflicted.

Kickstarted by some rather tragic circumstances, Carver’s hallucinations bring on visions of horrific birthday parties, toy soldiers, and haunting messages from his wife and son, screaming and crying and generally being spooky as hell. By the time Carver’s last vision reaches its screeching peak, the poor man has gone totally doolally. Dead Space 3 isn’t the best of games, but John Carver is undeniably one of this year’s biggest nutters.

2. Dead Rising 3 - Darlene

Dead Rising 3 has loads of loonies, with a septuplet of psychos themed around the seven deadly sins. Doing this allowed developer Capcom Vancouver to come up with all kinds of crazed creations, from the muscle-bound Jherii to the Lust Cannon-crotched Dylan. But not one of them is even half as memorable as Darlene Fleischermacher.

Has there ever been a nastier video game character? With dirty, scaly, wobbling flesh spilling out over her motility scooter, a greasy bee-hive perched on her head, thighs like tree trunks made out of lard and food smeared around her chubby chops, she’s a grotesque monster of a woman who meets a suitably grotesque end. She’s utterly putrid, a gluttonous, greedy gobbler of a gal. Whatever you do, just don’t ever, ever call her fat.

1. GTA V - Trevor

Good old Trevor. Waking up at the top of a hill in a dress, complaining about ice cocks. Kidnapping then falling in love with the elderly wife of a Mexican mob boss. Seducing, and being seduced by a teddy bear. Electrocuting a man’s nipples with jump leads. No video game character has ever amused, confused or terrified us more than Grand Theft Auto V’s bonker balding badass.

He fits with the game too. For the first time ever, you could run amok; running over pedestrians, crashing planes into buildings, driving the wrong way down the highway and indulging your wildest psycho fantasies, without undermining the narrative. Trevor is a lunatic and playing like one made completely perfect sense. So hats off to you Trev, in a year of brilliantly bizarre nutters, you’re this year’s biggest and best. You look surprisingly good in that dress too.


User Comments

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #1 by Denzel 515
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 12:50:48 PM
(1Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
You hit the nail on the head with Trevor - being such a mentally unhinged psychotic lunatic AND a player character meant we didn't have narrative constraint to be nice. I could never kill (or even carjack) as Michael or Franklin, but Trevor's basically a free pass to go crazy. Good times.

Forum Posts: 5220
Comment #2 by LickableLemons7
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 12:53:36 PM
(-3Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Good list.

Shout out to BioShock Infinite's Comstock. When nationalism goes too far.

And Booker DeWitt. Ludonarrative dissonance and all that.

Forum Posts: 1823
Comment #3 by Jardinho
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 01:06:48 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Trevor and 4 other characters.

Forum Posts: 8
Comment #4 by Da Beni Man
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 04:01:37 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Darlene still gives me nightmares....

Forum Posts: 2161
Comment #5 by mjc0961
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 06:28:20 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Interesting that you guys bumped off Booker from the PS3T version of the list to make room for a Dead Rising 3 character, but still forgot to add Don Mattrick to the list. He may not be a game character but he's surely the biggest nutter of 2013 by far!

@2: There is no ludo-narrative dissonance in BioShock Infinite. Don't use terms if you don't know what they mean. If you want a real example of it, go play Tomb Raider, there's loads of it there.

Forum Posts: 5220
Comment #6 by LickableLemons7
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 07:00:42 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
The ludonarrative dissonance is strong in #2. Big time nutter right there.

Forum Posts: 2161
Comment #7 by mjc0961
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 07:28:51 PM
(1Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment

Just in case anyone wants an explanation about why #2 is wrong and how he's using the term incorrectly (and because I don't feel like typing it all out).

Forum Posts: 5
Comment #8 by CrimsonCurls
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 10:50:02 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
I was somewhat surprised to find that Vaas from Far Cry 3 wasn't included in this list.

Forum Posts: 1823
Comment #9 by Jardinho
Monday, December 23, 2013 @ 11:27:24 PM
(1Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
@8 Far Cry 3 was 2012 :)

Forum Posts: 5220
Comment #10 by LickableLemons7
Tuesday, December 24, 2013 @ 12:30:06 AM
(-2Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment

Forum Posts: 5
Comment #11 by CrimsonCurls
Tuesday, December 24, 2013 @ 05:29:19 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
@9 Ah, good point. Had a brain fart there!

Forum Posts: 868
Comment #12 by Hurricane Of 87
Tuesday, December 24, 2013 @ 05:50:04 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Surprised that David from TLOU didn't make the PS3T version of the list.

Y'know, crazy Dave.

Forum Posts: 277
Comment #13 by Dazz
Tuesday, December 24, 2013 @ 09:43:43 PM
(1Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
"Like Nathan Drake before her..."

Makes it sound like Drake appeared before Croft did.

I'm surprised that everyone's favourite homicidal maniac Johnny Gat didn't make it on the list since he returned in the year's best game (in my view), Saints Row 4.

Forum Posts: 2609
Comment #14 by jamie1000013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013 @ 12:39:32 AM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Like others I was surprised not to see Vaas on there, completely slipped my mind that was last year. Good list though.

Forum Posts: 303
Comment #15 by ViperxSniper
Wednesday, December 25, 2013 @ 06:19:44 AM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
"Like Nathan Drake before her,..."
The first Tomb Raider came out 11 years before Uncharted did and there were 8 Tomb Raider games before that. All Uncharted did was just improve on what Tomb Raider had done.

Forum Posts: 403
Comment #16 by banej
Wednesday, December 25, 2013 @ 06:00:40 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
Good list. Trevor is without any doubt, the deserved winner.

Forum Posts: 6120
Comment #17 by Crimson Ridley
Thursday, December 26, 2013 @ 10:22:55 AM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
The text bleeds out of the box into the side bar. I can't read some of it. :(

However, I do agree that Trevor is the clear winner here. Some may find his crazy a little too OTT, but I think he's fantastic!

Forum Posts: 89
Comment #18 by strawberry
Saturday, December 28, 2013 @ 07:47:44 AM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
@2 herp derp I use a word I read on internets... I is so l337 pro smart rofl yoloswag.

stfu asshole.

Forum Posts: 3353
Comment #19 by Jack Frost
Thursday, January 02, 2014 @ 08:55:11 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
@#17 - Glad to know it's not only me that's having the text get cut off. I've tried 3 browsers (IE, Chrome and Firefox) and it's happening on all 3.

Forum Posts: 0
Comment #20 by FranLudlamter
Wednesday, January 08, 2014 @ 05:30:00 PM
(0) Thumbs Up Thumbs Down Report Comment
my friend's mother makes $71 an hour on the internet. She has been laid off for nine months but last month her income was $14496 just working on the internet for a few hours. visit homepage>>.

You need to register before being able to post comments.


Latest News
Most Viewed Achievement Lists
Most Viewed Achievement Guides